Prayer replaces worry

For years I subscribed to an encouraging Christian email by Bob Snyder. He sees his mission as training doctors in Hungary to match their care with Christian testimony. His site is at http://www.internationalhealthservices.com/pages/ihs_about_author

He produces a weekly devotional email at http://www.internationalhealthservices.com/pages/ihs_llj The last two issues have spoken directly to our situation. One follows, so applicable to winning a battle against cancer:

"Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing." These words from the famous Green Bay Packer football coach, Vince Lombardi, express the ultimate preoccupation with results. While playing college soccer, focusing only on winning resulted in my failure to enjoy any part of the practice process.

At times in my spiritual life I focus only on results and fail to enjoy the lessons to be learned on the way to the end point. Since the journey to the results can take time and occasionally the result can be fleeting, finding joy in the results alone leaves much joylessness on the journey. Spiritually, joy on the journey can be as important as the results.

The apostle Paul told us to Rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4: 4-6) - implying that the journey to God-ordained results can come with joy. How?

	By replacing worry with prayer
	By replacing complaining with thanksgiving

Results are important but the journey is important as well. Enjoying the journey can be harder for me than enjoying the outcome.

This makes an interesting challenge for us as we so worry about results of Jan's treatment.

I found a useful NHS web site for anyone in my position. It has a booklet produced by the NHS, so I had ignored it for the first five weeks. On looking it is a useful tool to help spouses of cancer sufferers or probably any other major illness such as stroke or heart attack. The whole NHS site is good, the booklet is available as PDF download or free booklet from this link

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/content.php?page_id=3067

Physical setbacks, faith advances

We are thankful for the support of a christian friend who is about four months ahead of us in going through treatment for breast cancer. Jan was regularly phoning her to support her, now she is doing the same for us.

She was triumphant that she had just managed to take a week away at a friends 10 miles away from her city flat. How cancer reduces our horizons, our last week away was to the Italian lakes and alps.

She phoned last night somewhat depressed as her planned radiotherapy was postponed on the day it started. No explanation was given, she must wait for a week to see the consultant for an explanation. How callous the NHS is in handling the emotions of those they treat.

Fortunately Jan was able to lend a sympathetic ear, promise prayer, and a group from her church will visit within 24 hours.

We again read from the bible in Ephesians chapter 5 verses 19 and 20. "Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." This is so similar to 1 Thessalonians chapter 5 verses 16 to 18, "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

We struggle with these passages. John Piper and David Powlinson who have both had cancer take them literally, that we thank God for our individual cancer, whereas a book by Michael Baughen suggests one thanks God in our circumstances, but not for our circumstances. We are not sure of the answer, but certainly at present Jan sees our circumstances and this cancer as God ordained to draw us excitingly close to him.

We wonder whether singing in our heart as commanded by Paul to the Ephesians could be a technique to help us put God and his power first in our minds and lives

Use of time - purify your life

Since diagnosis we have tried to use the time to best prepare ourselves. We have spent more time with the family, and daughter will visit next weekend.

In preparing for treatment I had see the risks as:

Surgery - very small risk
Radiotherapy - slightly more risk such as damage to heart and lungs
Chemotherapy - really nasty, far worse than just hair falling out
Hormone treatment - nasty effects such as causing cancer of the uterus, but one can stop at any time.

We therefore concentrated merely on emotional / faith issues and preparation for the surgery, ignoring the later treatments until the surgery was complete. We tried to spend about 10 hours in prayer and considering God's provision and goodness for every hour we spent thinking or learning about cancer. It may seem strange, but I think that ratio was correct.

Before surgery one has to face the possibility of death, and spend time in prayer. To do this we reviewed our lives. Some challenges we faced were:

• How can one claim the promises on Malachi chapter three if ones finances aren't right in God's sight
• James chapter 5 verse 16 says "the earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and produces wonderful results."
  
• John chapter 12 says we must pray according to God's will. We must clear out selfish motives.
• Colossians chapter 4 verse 12 records how Epaphrus "wrestled" in prayer. We need to learn how to pray that earnestly.
  

John Piper says "you waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before". Only when we were clear on these issues could I peacefully allow Jan to go to surgery. Between surgery and the next consultation I want to learn as much as possible about follow up treatments.

So far I only have two regrets:

• We took the decision on lumpectomy versus mastectomy with poor preparation. It was not explained that lumpectomy almost always has follow on radiotherapy. However I suspect we would have made the same decision, but options and relative risks were not discussed sensibly beforehand.
  
• I had not researched surgery options until after surgery started. Only that day did I learn of alternatives such as carbon nanotube or laser surgery, ROLL versus WGL and ELIOT to almost completely remove the risks from radiotherapy. But in discussing with Jan we agreed these were esoteric new treatments for which we would probably have to travel abroad, and even had we known about them beforehand we would probably not have taken them up. I am using initials to save time in this blog. Anyone suffering with cancer can look them up in Google for more information.
  

So we rest trusting in God's support through this, and will continue to place more importance on our fellowship with him than worry about cancer.

Premier radio

We have stayed near north London to get treatment, where Premier Christian radio is easily heard on 1413 metres medium wave. It is on the Internet at www.premier.org.uk.

Many of their broadcasts have helped us in the past, and two helped this week. One was by Chuck Swindell, http://www.insight.org/. I ordered the CD recording from their UK office on 0800 9159364. Chuck was talking about Jesus going to Calvary. He said "remembering your mission helps one navigate through any storm". We need to see that this cancer is just a rock in the path on our walk with Jesus.

The second was a session by Rev John Ryeland from http://www.healingmission.org/. He answered phoned in questions about healing, and said that sometimes prayer made things initialy get worse, only for God to finally triumph. He then answered phoned in questions on the Premier Radio lifeline. May I commend these ministries:

Premier Lifeline: 0845 345 0707, email lifeline@premier.org.uk, www.premier.org.uk/lifeline - It is a christian run helpline offering information and a listening ear to the general public on a range of emotional and spiritual issues.

Waiting

Seems waiting is part on the strain of cancer.

• Firstly has one got it
• Then what has one got / how dangerous is it
• Then has surgeon got it all out
  
• Then what else has one got.....i.e. lymph nodes, even secondaries?
  
• Is follow up radio or chemo needed
• Then every year an annual exam to see if one hasn't got another or a recurrence.

It is dawning on us that what we had hoped would be a quick snip, and away with cancer like my earlier scare with a suspected skin cancer is more a long term membership of a club. Recurrence will be a constant risk.

Trusting and resting in Jesus can take some of the strain. A friend emailed to encourage us. Having had cancer himself he stated he just rested in Jesus, and trusted him to keep to God's perfect timing.

But could the doctors help? Do they make us wait unnecessarily? We have still only been told it is cancer to be treated by a lumpectomy and to expect radio and Tamoxifen afterwards. We are expected to wait till 12 March to be told any more.

So who is playing what game?

By 29 Jan we had worked out it was invasive cancer near the chest wall.
By 20 Feb we could give it the medical name "Non palpable invasive lobular breast cancer"
By 26 Feb we could see the ECG was OK
By 28 Feb we could say that only one lymph node had been taken.

So why increase our agony by not confirming this information as we go on? Instead we have to wait another 13 days. We need to be treated as equal members of a team treating this, not second class "bodies" on whom they work. As from the 28th Feb. we have to take care to prevent lymphedema. Why even after we asked three times do the doctors refuse to tell us how many nodes they removed?

The apostle Paul must have had similar waiting experiences waiting for years in prison in Rome before his execution under the emporer Nero. Yet in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 1 he writes "let us run with perseverence the race that is set before us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross."

I read some bible notes which suggest we should meditate on heaven for 15 minutes each day. The certainty of heaven encourages Janet, the healing merely changes when she gets there. So much of the strain of waiting is taken away.

Getting the right perspective

We read the bible on God's grace and peace that is offered to us. We read the early chapters of Job, where four disasters happen to Job in just one day, yet he will not blame God.

I went to church by myself today, Jan felt too week. The service was led by a lady who had overcome breast cancer herself nine or so years ago, and the piano was played by a widower whos wife had died when breast cancer spread to her brain. So two people, both with the same faith, prayed for by the same church, one healed and one went to be with Jesus somewhat earlier, leaving young children without a mother. So I believe God works to his plan, and it can be a mystery to us as to who is healed and who is not.

The service focused on AIDS orphans in Uganda, and showed a film about a 13 year old girl named Rachel. She was left as an orphan at the age on 6, and was acting as head of the household bringing up three of her siblings, and three other orphans from another family. So here am I worried about managing the washing, when in Uganda a girl of 13 is managing to bring up a family of 6, albeit with the help of a local church pastor. Info on TEAR fund here http://tilz.tearfund.org/hiv

Just weeks before a friend had explained how his wife was trying to stop girls going into prostitution to earn a living in Zimbabwe. He said that he thought that for a small sum he could buy them a sewing machine, and teach them to make and sell souvenirs to tourists or clothes to Africans. For what Jan's treatment must have cost the NHS so far he could set up 20 girls in such industry.

When asked what he would do if money was no object he said bring some of his church folk from Zimbabwe to visit us here in the UK. He said they were poor materially, but rich spiritually.

I pray that I will get my problems in perspective, and catch some of the spirit of these Africans. I want to see God glorified across the world, not just for my selfish needs.

Thanks to a friend who lent me the book on prayer "Getting through to God" by Michael Baughen, bishop of Chester. He states God answers prayer for his glory, not for our selfish whim. I know that he is working for our ultimate good through this trial, and is bringing us closer to him. Michael's book is here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Getting-through-God-Michael-Baughen/dp/0850095662

God uses our difficulties

Yesterday we were reading about how the eagle teaches its young to fly. Last night we watched "Spartacus" on TV, which showed Roman cruelty in St. Paul's time. Today we read how God used the apostle Paul's imprisonment in Rome. It is in Philippians chapter 1 verses 12 to 26. Paul says "what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel". He emphasises the unlikely truth of this by using the word "really". Paul's imprisonment in Rome was costly, it was the last step before execution. Eusebius of Caesarea, who wrote in the fourth century, states that Paul was beheaded in the reign of the Roman Emperor Nero.

However had not Paul been imprisoned he would probably not have written Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians and Philemon.

We pray that God will use this suffering of Jan to increase our usefulness to Jesus.