Recovery from surgery

Yesterday we had read Malachi, and had claimed the promise in chapter 3 verse 10, "God will pour out an overflowing blessing on you."

We had expected elation to think that the cancer was out. But it is our worst day so far, no elation at all. There were so many shambolic incidents yesterday that our confidence was dented. For any technical folk, what was planned as a WGL needed two wires to be inserted. Jan was on a mixed sex day ward that mixed breast with endoscopy patients.

To put our mood in context I also read that depression is a standard side effect of general anesthetics.

I read the "Independent" newspaper today, which has an article by a reporter who suffered a stroke. After surgery she awoke to find herself surrounded on each side by a male patient who was masturbating. Thankfully Jan's recovery is in a comfortable clean home with good food and service as required. The Independent article is here: http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-wellbeing/features/a-rush-of-blood-to-the-head-one-woman-tells-the-story-of-her-stroke-789282.html

A similar article is here: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4158/is_20060711/ai_n16523942

We read a book we were recently given. It is based on Deuteronomy chapter 32 verse 11, which explains that God teaches us like an eagle teaches its young to fly. Once the chicks are ready, the mother throws the chicks out of the nest one at a time. They fall towards earth in terror, and the mother sweeps underneath and catches them in her wings before they hit the ground. This is repeated until the chicks learn to flap their wings, fly, or even soar. If they stayed in the comfortable nest they would never learn to fly. The book is listed here http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/THE-DIVINE-EAGLE-Selwyn-Hughes/9781853451904-item.html?pticket=wlmel1n5gdgwb2550znkvd45X07baoSvmQCIfuLnMBWXhbF1ECg%3d

Maybe God needs the shambles to force us even more onto him. Its uncomfortable, but Jesus can gather us up in his wings if needed just like the mother eagle.

Surgery

All done at Welwyn Garden City as a day case, leave home 07:45 return by 16:20.

Bits now missing, but no great pain. Jan says she felt like she had been hit over the head, and comes back looking pale, unsteady on feet, but able to walk to the car.

The hospital refuse to say how many lymph nodes they removed, they will tell us in 13 days time! Whose body is it?

Tips to help us

We went through Janet Thompson's book in more detail. Its a guidebook running to 388 pages, though the treatment assumes American practice.

Janet's testimony started as a child of ten when her policeman father was shot dead. She accepted Christ at the age of eleven as her heavenly father in place of "my dearly loved earthly father" whom she had just lost. She is also a breast cancer survivor, and works with the Saddleback Church in USA. It gives her book authority.

More details on Janet are here:
http://www.womantowomanmentoring.com/cancersite/author.html

She gives a list of 13 things to do to help a cancer sufferer, and 13 things not to say. As cancer seems to scare some folk, and they are afraid they may offend us if they talk about it, I attach a few tips from that book that could help, along with some we found for ourselves:

Please do:

• Show Jan the love of God.
• Hug us around shoulder, not breasts! This cancer is not contagious!
• Keep normal contacts with Jan
• Show genuine compassion and concern
• Keep calling and leave a message, we love to hear from you
• Be patient, the illness and stress makes one forgetful, tired, etc.
• Stay in for the long haul, this takes months
• Talk about how God is loving and active, rather than talk about cancer.
• Feel free to share your healings, blessings etc. We are not so selfish we cannot rejoice with you even if Jan has a harder time.
• Tell us your concerns and needs. This illness has made us more aware of others' needs and deepened our prayer life. Don't think we have got enough on our plate, we would love to pray for you too.
  

We would rather you didn't

• Talk about others' breast cancer stories, good or bad. There are so many variations that there is at least a 90% chance they are irrelevant. We have 44 documented in Janet Thompson's book already, but we found we had to stop reading it!
• Tell us God has a plan for this - we know that already.
  
• Avoid Jan, it makes her feel rejected
• Act like nothing is happening, minimise the situation, or compare Jan to anyone else.
• Tell us that there are wonderful new drugs. The one discussed for Jan is over 50 years old, the patent expired and now it is made and used generically but has nasty side effects. After 5 years the side effects outweigh the benefits.
• Tell us treatment is wonderful these days. Radiotherapy is a mainstay of treatment, there is currently a study underway at Edinburgh University to see if radiotherapy offers any long term benefit at all. See http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/trials/trials/selectsearch.asp?freetextsearch=prime&x=27&y=23&searchtype=freetext

God is mighty - earthquake

A quote from Harnhill Christian Healing Centre "We would go to the ends of the earth to find healing, when actually what we are seeking may be right here amongst us."

We would happily go across the world to find healing. The challenge is to advance our faith so that we touch Jesus directly ourselves! I look at Mark chapter 5 verse 28 about the woman with the discharge of blood who touched Jesus' cloak and was healed. All she did was touch Jesus' garment. I pray that I have that same faith and fellowship with Jesus as she had. She saw miraculous immediate healing!

God's timing is amazing. Woken at about 01:00 by an earthquake shaking us in our bed. The BBC reports "The biggest earthquake in the UK for nearly 25 years has shaken homes across large parts of the country". God is mighty and woke us to remind us of his power.

Thanks to friends who kindly invited us to stay to share fellowship at this time. A kind couple sent us the programme for the Harnhill Christian Healing Centre, and today Google ads put an advert for a similar Christian centre on my blog. I allowed the Google ads to increase the chance of these pages being indexed by Google, please excuse the commercialism. I cannot endorse the adverts. But one appealed here http://www.headtoheart.org.uk/

Harnhill are here http://www.harnhillcentre.freeserve.co.uk/home.htm

I have not been to either so cannot endorse them, but they appeal. But is their appeal that I want to pass responsibility on to another, rather than me taking my cares direct to God myself?

Pre-op ECG - expectant waiting

We go to Hertford hospital for the pre-operation heart check. Glad we were able to bring appointment forward from the hospital's suggested 5th March so that it was done before the breast surgery. From smile on nurses face all is well, though she said she was not allowed to tell us, we will not know before the operation day next Thursday.

Thanks to friends who join us for lunch and tea at a lovely garden centre after this. They helped relieve our anxiety during the wait by doing "normal activities". Jan went home and did washing, drying ironing etc. afterwards.

I think on how God could heal Jan miraculously. In the Wesleyan revival that often saw God heal. I believe we need to see God act in our generation too!

We were encouraged to read Janet Thompson's book that ties in with Jan's friend's testimony based on Deuteronomy chapter 31 verse 8. It states "The Lord himself will go before you and be with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged."

Jan already agrees with these two other sufferers that they go to hospital not only sure that Jesus is with them, but that he got there before them and prepared the way.

Remission or Miraculous cure

I think of "divine healing". A satellite TV program offered at least 2 promises, one was to see a healer in South Africa, the other was to attend a church series in Peckham London between 29 Feb. and 3 March. I cannot believe God needs us to travel half way across the world or wait till the end of the month to bless us!

We had been kindly invited to a healing centre which specialises in prayer for healing. I declined at present, its probably 200 miles away and I believe if God is to heal he can do it through the prayer of the local church.

Interestingly today's sermon at our local church was on John chapter 14 verses 1 to 14. Jesus says in verse 12 "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these because I am going to the Father." The "I tell you the truth" is Jesus' emphasis that this really is true and can be trusted, however unbelievable we find it. Jesus healed many, where and when asked, not half way across the world or after waiting for a week!

So can I ask God for a miracle? I find two at least three encouragements:

The National Health Service (NHS) supplied book on breast cancer has a dictionary of cancer related words. I am encouraged that it defines remission as either a permanent or temporary relief. So our NHS would accept a miraculous healing as just another remission. They must be common for the guide to include that word!

An elderly lady I gave a lift to church today stated she had received miraculous healing of arthritis in her ankle after "laying on of hands" and prayer that day. Her foot was now straight, it had been bent in that morning.

We also received a second book from Amazon, "Dear God, they say it is cancer" by Janet Thompson. She had breast cancer, and wrote it as a guide for others. She has stories of many sufferers. On a quick glance through I found one case where the cancer had disappeared between biopsy and surgery. Her book is reviewed at: http://www.simonsays.com/content/book.cfm?pid=521692&tab=1&agid=2

Janet says: I'm also a "winner"! You see, there is a spiritual battle going on around us -- a battle for our souls, our hearts, and our minds -- and God does not want us merely to survive this battle. He assures us that with His help we will be victorious. Wounded but not defeated. Not just surviving, implying we barely made it, but energized by running the race, staying the course, and fighting the good fight.

Don't let me push this book too much. It is great to have a Christian guide through the breast cancer maze, but the descriptions of treatment are US based, and could easily mislead a UK citizen. For example it recommends one has a discussion with the surgeon, discusses mastectomy, lumpectomy. reconstruction etc, goes away for a while, discuss and research, pray about decision and return to doctor. Here we are more a cog in a production line, we had ten minutes with surgeon, accepted lumpectomy without reconstruction as Jan took doctor's advice, and my reading of Readers Digest 40 years ago recommended it! However had I had more time I believe we would still have gone with that decision, I believe God can guide us rapidly if needed!

I have also listened to a sermon by Leonard Ravenhill on the Wesleyan revival. From his and others' experience I believe such miracles are not the result of trivial prayer. Leonard's sermons are here http://www.sermonaudio.com/search.asp?SpeakerOnly=true&currSection=sermonsspeaker&keyword=Leonard^Ravenhill

Details on the revival are from http://www.unityinchrist.com/history/wesley.htm "they also set aside two days each week for fasting and prayer,"

Janet is content either way, assured that either she will have a miraculous healing, or be healed by conventional surgery. However she is adamant that I take a camera with me on Thursday to record any miraculous healing!

Beating cancer

We talk about the possibility of death, or more correctly the certainty of death at some time. John Piper wrote "cancer is not beaten if you stay alive, but is beaten if you find the all surpassing worth of knowing Christ."

Our bible reading was Psalm 116 verses 1 to 7, "Be at rest once more, Oh my soul, for the Lord has been good to you". I read on to verse 15, "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints". I ask Jan what she thinks of that. She answers, why ask, we know that already? So she is really in a position where she is ready to die, even maybe prefers to die and be with God, but willing to stay on earth if God wants her here.

We get comfort by going through the Christian testimony left in a dead relatives diaries. We go through notes on a talk gaven in Nov 1972 on Psalm 34 and Matthew chapter 18 verse 20. She states "spiritual healing is much more important. The great physician is here, the healer of soul, mind and body". I state this is like John Piper's comment at the top of this post. Jan has already found the all surpassing worth of knowing Christ!

Aware that an after effect of surgery is the risk of lymphedema, where one needs to take care whilst gardening, we make a blitz on the garden. Maybe we are over reacting, if Jan can no longer garden she will lose a major joy. We follow gardening by a picnic on the beautiful sea wall at Aldburgh, followed by ice cream.

Jan phones two friends, to help one who is suffering from cancer herself, and to maintain friendship with a non christian friend who admitted she dare not call us after Jan's diagnosis. It seems cancer "phases" so many.

Count your blessings

We visit a local lady who gives us a poem she has written for us entitled "Trust" based on Proverbs chapter 3 verses 5 and 6.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

What an encouragement she is! We pray with her for her forthcoming talks she is about to give to two homes for the elderly.

We get exercise by taking a walk in the afternoon to the local ferry. It is very windy, Jan acted like a child hiding behind me to shelter from wind. Our youthful playfulness and love is coming back. I joke about asking the deacons to lay hands on her breast, It has us both laughing, the best laughter we have had for 10 years.

Jan had been encouraged by singing to herself the Christian song or chorus
"Count your blessings, name them one by one
and you'll find it amazing what the Lord has done"

I thought about the claim I had made yesterday that there were about 100 instances in the last year or so where God had encouraged us. I go to my study, and list them on a spreadsheet. I get to 102. How great God is in providing for us. Yet I still cry frequently and can hardly eat.

Christ shares our sorrows

Convinced of the benefit of shared physical exercise we take a break out for coffee overlooking Felixstowe container port. It spits rain so we do not walk and do not get any benefit from physical exercise.

As it is the time of Lent I read about Christ's betrayal by Judas. Jesus can sympathise with all our weaknesses. Because of his love for us he went through so much for us, even betrayal by all his friends and disciples. I think of my own fear for the future, and realise that Jesus would have lived all his 33 years with his planned crucifiction in sight.

I am so helped by Jan's input as we talk about this. I believe God uses her weaknesses and suffering to enable us to more clearly see Christ and make Christ known.

I relate how God has provided for us. There are about 100 instances in the last year or so where God had encouraged us. Yet I am still shaken. Jan cries for first time at 18:30. I go to bed shaking and don't want to eat.

Side effects

We go away for 5 days, hence this blog is condensed. Take some exercise to overcome the stress, and share our love for each other. Walk hand in hand like a courting couple to "little ice cream shop" where we have one of Jan's favourite ice creams. Longest walk we have taken together in the last 10 years.

Jan was told she would have a "sentinel biopsy" of her lymph glands, which re-assured her as she is aware of risk of spread of cancer to the lymph, wants the check, yet does not want her lymph glands removed unnecessarily. We thank God that the surgeon plans to use this technique as a quick review of the Internet shows it is a fairly new procedure to reduce the risks. Yet to me is is not a biopsy, it is the complete removal of what the doctor said would be 1 to 4 glands, with a constant risk of lymphedema thereafter. I look up some side effects such as at the link below, and go to bed physically shaking.

http://www.cancercompass.com/breast-cancer-information/side-effects.htm

Power of positive thinking

I said we would switch off telly more, but watched 2 interesting programs last night.

First on how to live to be 101 years old. Seems diet, genetics and faith all play a part. Interesting testimonies from Adventist church in USA.

The other was "The secret of life" which looked at self help courses, or the "Power of Positive thinking". Interviewed Anthony Robbins, probably the best known of those charlatans. I only link to his site to enhance my own results in Google searches. I disagree with Anthony, though my son and nephew say his books are most helpful. His site is here: http://www.tonyrobbins.com/Home/Home.aspx

Another woman interviewed based her life on the mantra of saying to herself "Whatever happens, I can cope." Buddhists were also interviewed who had similar mantras.

So what is Jan's answer? She and her friend who recently completed chemo both describe the cancer as a "valley" to walk through, and that Jesus is at their side bearing them up. It may look similar to the self help guru's strategy, but as Jesus is real and answers prayer it is completely different. Jan is saying "I cannot do this alone, help me Jesus" and resting in that certain help, whereas the self helpers say "I can handle this if I dig deep inside or whatever, and have no need for Jesus". Will they still say that at the judgement seat of Christ?

Pslam 23 verse 4 says

though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Surgeon consultation

All happened today. Doctor was very positive, obviously a man who had treated thousands before us. There was a light hearted almost jocular discussion of options, ending with an appointment being set for surgery in 9 days time. We felt comforted and at ease. To help speed this up we chose daycare treatment, where I had to commit to be with Jan and watch her for the 24 hours after the operation, so I would be nursing her.

However thinking through the implications of what was said, a 10% chance of this complication, and 10% chance of another, all before one considers side effects of drugs leaves me not wanting to write more tonight! Just have to trust in the Lord rather than having any certainty in medicine. The doctor wants another scan before he operates to help guide his incision. A side benefit is that if we have already received a miraculous healing he will not operate unnecesarily.

Many phone calls received from loving friends asking for an update, thanks for your love and concern.

Don't waste your cancer

We read from Hosea Chapter 14 verse 3, where the prophet states "Assyria cannot save us"...meaning that Israel could not be saved by relying on human means, such as the mighty armies of Assyria. God wants us to rely on him, and not solely on medics for healing. This was emphasised as we heard yesterday of a lady from our local church who has just had two operations delayed by the hospital which Jan will use, the second time after she had received full pre-meds, and was waiting on trolley to do into theatre. Apparently a previous operation over-ran!

Both of us poured through John Piper's book that arrived yesterday. It is written by a man who has had cancer, so is authoritative and believable as a genuine experience. The book has an appendix where John gives 10 ways to ensure one does not "waste your cancer" or miss what God may be teaching one through the experience. He makes comments such as for every minute spent talking about cancer, talk for 10 minutes about how God has helped you through it. He suggests we no longer look at sin as unimportant.

God still provides for us day by day, and wants to draw us closer to him through this experience. I feel convicted about how much time I fritter away watching television. From now on there will be more times when it is switched off. I need to use my time more productively.

Thanks to a couple who invited us out for lunch. Afterwards we were all able to take a lovely walk through local woods filled with sunshine, daffodils and snowdrops. We were able to put into practice what John had said, and did not have to dwell on Jan's sickness but on God's provision in our beautiful world.

100% certainty

Today we received a confirmation letter from the hospital, and John Piper's book "Suffering and the Sovereignty of God" from Amazon. Sad to say how shabby the hospital letter was in comparison to Amazon. I just trust the medical skills at the hospital are more impressive than their secretary's.

Jan helped me last night by going through her certainty that God was with us, and how she was in touch with a younger friend who has just finished her course of chemo after breast cancer. Her testimony was that God had supported her each step of the way. Amazing how God had led Jan to her, initially Jan was comforting her, but now the tables were turned.

My kids are aware of the risks....we believe in facing things openly and honestly here, though my son keeps saying "Surely Mum must have a better chance than most because of her early diagnosis?" In the book received today David Powlinson writes "we are 100% certain to suffer, and Christ is 100% certain to meet us and comfort us." Far better odds for us who believe.

For the first time since the diagnosis I feel at peace, and even slept well. It's taken 16 days to reach that point. I am sure God can keep us both through this trial.

Trust God in stress

Jan and I often take up the bargain meals in pubs at lunchtimes when two eat for the price of one. It seems that this is "cancer for two".

We have found it stressful. Today Jan had an argument with a local bank. Maybe yesterday was my worst day after I looked up the twenty year survival rates, far worse than the frequently quoted 5 year rates. I don't think I have slept right through a night since Jan's diagnosis, yet I take my wakefulness as an opportunity to pray for her in the night. Other indications of stress - I have a cold, I wrote a cheque, forgot to fill in numbers box but just used words, I forgot to tax a car and received a fine in the post, and on 12 Feb I noticed my driving was less attentive then normal, I was even passed by a speeding police car before I even realised he was there.

I ordered 2 of the books I listed yesterday from Amazon, and have done more digging on the Internet. One study http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/63/1/32 indicated that breast cancer patients’ psychological well-being were higher than their spouses’, so I take heart that my stress is normal, and it is indeed "cancer for two".

From http://jco.ascopubs.org/cgi/content/full/23/15/3588 a spouse is seen as the most important source of support among women with breast cancer. So I am determined to be with her through this. Interestingly other research shows fewer divorces amongst those with breast cancer than the normal population.

And from http://healthlink.mcw.edu/article/917588037.html Almost to a person, husbands and wives reported undergoing personality changes after cancer which they identified as growthful and as taking them to a different and enhanced level of meaning in their lives. This is from a non Christian research group! So we look to God to enrich our lives through this experience.

Jan and I researched cancer individually yesterday. She spoke to someone whose friends have used our local care facilities, I used the Internet. That evening we re-assured each other. We wonder whether to say to the surgeon "please check the lump is still there as we have been praying", or whether that would make us look nut cases and jeopardise her treatment if God hasn't already healed her.

We phoned a long standing Christian friend, shared our news and Jan then chatted for 45 minutes to the wife. I overheard her say "when young she loved life on this earth, but was assured that when she died she would go to be with the Lord. During this illness her position had changed, she wanted to be with her Lord, but was willing to stay alive on earth if that was his will".

So my position at present is I want to understand cancer and peoples' experiences to learn from them. I have set up my account on the MacMillan Cancer care site so that I can use their "Share" discussion group http://share.macmillan.org.uk/Share/. To me their forum seems too "trivial", but it has the benefit that one can ask any question to fellow cancer sufferers, could be invaluable in the future so I have bookmarked the site.

At the same time thanks to those who have sent us cards. One had the quote from Proverbs 3 verse 5, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." So though I want to understand, we are both happy to trust God to keep us through this illness. We don't demand to understand "Why me?" nor fully fathom God's ways. The book of Job has shown us that.

Jan says she has never had a time before when people have been so supportive.

Resources - books that help

God graciously led us to these books by "chance", but obviously I believe he guides us by such circumstances. I was preparing a study on Thessalonians before Jan was diagnosed, and found references to John Piper whilst studying persecution of the early church such as at Thessalonica. They have become a treasure since Jan's diagnosis.

A full list of the top 100 is here:

www.restministries.org/rmp/2007top100books.pdf

Jan has found item 1 so useful she has given copies to others. Details here:

90 Minutes in Heaven: A True Story of Death & Life - Don Piper & Cecil Murphy

Immediately after being killed in a car accident nearly fifteen years ago, Don Piper went to heaven. EMTs on the scene determined he had been killed instantly after a articulated truck had swerved into his lane, crushing his car. This is an amazing, honest story of a pastor's ongoing experience with debilitating chronic pain. He openly shares his frustrations, fears, and anger, but also his hope ISBN 078-0800759494

And item 73 in the list is:

Suffering and the Sovereignty of God

In Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, contributors John Piper, Joni Eareckson Tada, Steve Saint, Carl Ellis, David Powlison, Dustin Shramek, and Mark Talbot explore the many categories of God’s sovereignty as evidenced in his Word. They urge readers to look to Christ, even in suffering, to find the greatest confidence, deepest comfort, and sweetest fellowship they have ever known.

“John Piper and friends tackle some of the hardest and most significant issues of Christian concern, producing one of the most honest, faithful, and helpful volumes ever made available to thinking Christians. It is filled with pastoral wisdom, theological conviction, biblical insight, and spiritual counsel. This book answers one of the greatest needs of our times—to affirm the sovereignty of God and to ponder the meaning of human suffering. We need this book.”

There is a review on this at http://bibchr.blogspot.com/2005/10/suffering-and-sovereignty-of-god-and.html

Time for the family.

Maybe I am over reacting, but cancer has brought us face to face with the shortness and value of our remaining life. Our relationship to God becomes our top priority, and our relationship within the family second. So we have invested four days in visiting my mother, a lady who is 91 years old, but still mentally alert and physically well. This trip we discussed when she should give up driving her car!

How do you break such bad news to an old lady who has enough of her own problems? Our concern was solved when she asked about our plans for a summer holiday. We explained that Jan was recently diagnosed, and we could not plan a holiday until we knew of plans for treatment.

In more detail my diary is:

13 Feb, Read from book of Job, a classic on suffering. Job saw physical healing, yet at the end of the book in Job chapter 42 verse 17 we read "Job died, old and full of years". So death is inevitable, all we do by healing is put our clocks back to God's perfect timing. I listen to an MP3 by Mark Talbot, a man paralysed since he was 17 years old. He talks on Joseph who suffered imprisonment in Egypt, yet God meant it for good. So our suffering can be for good. The talk is at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/1/1671. Mark's story is mentioned in this blog http://www.reformation21.org/Reformation_21_Blog/Reformation_21_Blog/58/month__200508/pg__3/vobId__550/

12 Feb, Listen to John Piper's intro to a healing conference. He states there are 2 types of healing, the immediate physical healing, and the more long term route in which there is no physical healing yet God bears us up in our troubles. He states it is important to see and know the difference, and to be sensitive and pray correctly dependent upon circumstances and what God is doing in each case. So far I have had no indication from God in my prayer time that he is offering immediate healing in this case. All our bible readings have been about how God supports us in our troubles. John Piper's talk is at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/1/227

Mum says "it can be best not to talk about cancer". I disagree! I presume she doesn't want to talk about our mortality and the inevitability of death, even though she is 91 years old and admits she may not be here by next Christmas. She was able to joke with us about the likelihood that Janet would need a wig however!

The bible encourages us to pray without ceasing, and Jan and I agreed to pray about this disease "morning, noon and night". I try to pray whilst driving home, a 240 mile or so journey. I find there is no way with our speed cameras etc., I must have passed 200 or so on that single journey! A moments loss of concentration could so easily end in a fine.

11 Feb, Both Jan and I separately have the chorus "Faithful one" written by Brian Doerkson put into our minds. It runs:

Faithful one so unchanging
Ageless one you're my rock of peace
Lord of all I depend on You
I call out to you again and again
I call out to you again and again.
You are my rock in times of trouble
You pick me up when I fall down
All through the storm Your love is the anchor
My hope is in you alone

The words above are taken from http://www.nme.com/video/id/Cwn9ycaDSzU/search/unchanging, and is a great encouragement. Please excuse the poor "YouTube" video!

10 Feb. We watch a Sunday morning TV program called "The Big Question". It dealt with faith healing, and had two Christians who gave testimony, one healed 20 years ago from cancer where doctors had given him just 2 weeks to live, the other a lady healed from arthritis. Encouraging!

9 Feb. We receive letter from hospital giving Jan an appointment with doctor for 19 Feb 2008. At that point we will be told the recommended treatment.

We study Psalm 28. In verse 8 it reads "the Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one". Also in verse 7 it states "My heart leaps for joy, I will give thanks to him in song". It seems that many find singing hymns to themselves can encourage them in times of trouble. I try it when walking by myself and escape certification as insane!

The start

This blog is to document my thoughts and experiences as the spouse of a breast cancer sufferer.

Jan and I both believe that God controls our circumstances and lives for our good, so breast cancer is part of it. I want to capture what God is teaching us on this journey, hopefully gain from others' feedback, and encourage others.

At present we await an appointment with our local hospital to discuss treatment. We plan to use UK National Health Service, a free service to us, but sometimes frustratingly slow. As this has now been diagnosed for 9 days there is a bit of catching up on the blog:

Yesterday we went to a family funeral, last one of Jan's aunts had died. What a joy to know she really knew the Lord. How do I know? Her bible was shown me, a fairly modern black leather bound NIV, so couldn't have been old, but it was falling apart. Pick it up and out fell the page of James chapter 1, covered in her notes and underlinings. Glimpse through, one could hardly find any page margins not filled with her comments and thoughts. particularly in the gospels and Psalms. She had underlined James chapter 1 verse 12 "Blessed is the man (or woman) who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. She knew she would win that crown of life. She had left this encouragement for Janet today.

Another tribute I saw to her was the way her 5 year old great grand daughter was weeping during the service. Here had been an old lady who could communicate and love children.

So how else has God helped us in the first nine days:

We have grown closer together as a family, as husband and wife, Jan's long talk to son Philip, and long phone call to Rachel our daughter who then visited with flowers.

We will take it positively. It is an encouragement to use time and current health wisely. So we took three day trips out to local beauty spots, and Janet is making plans to take part in charity work once she is healed.

I have been tearful on at least three to five days. Worst was the first time I tried to speak to people about it... thanks to those who put their arms around me, hugged me, and assured me of their love, just what I needed. Jan has been more stoic, told me off for crying! But why? Sunday's sermon was "Jesus wept". And I read this week that John Piper cried for 2 hours solid after being told of death of his mother. In Psalm 6 verse 6 David states "I am worn out from groaning, all night long I flood my bed with tears".

I have found the John Piper web site on suffering. He has suffered from prostrate cancer himself, so talks from experience. Great help, listened to MP3s of two of his sermons and watched with Jan a video by Joni Eareksen Tada, a quadraplegic stuck in a wheel chair but who still gives thanks to God.
It is at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/1/

Each day Jan has had an encouraging bible reading by Selwyn Hughes on how we should fix our eyes on Jesus. Selwyn is now dead, but his study notes "Every day with Jesus" are still available:
http://www.cwr.org.uk/publishing/edwj/index.php. Or you can buy it from an English bookshop at http://www.wesleyowen.com/WesleyOwenSite/pages/category/category.asp?ctgry=selwynhughes

We had a rapid visit by the church minister last Sunday who prayed for her healing. He runs his web site at http://www.webministries.co.uk/index.html

So God is keeping us at this time, in spite of the fears and dark times we go through. Maybe for my own benefit, there follows more of a diary:

7 Feb. Attend funeral, picnic lunch overlooking Thames estuary, watch sun go down over estuary eating a massive Rossi ice cream. Think "Be still and know I am God" as we watch a glorious sunset.
6 Feb Phone hospital, biopsy result confirmed, told to wait for hospital to set up an initial appointment
4 Feb 5 Feb - scour internet, find the very useful "Cancer for two website" at
http://www.cancerfortwo.com/author.asp
Get quotes for private treatment, find many cranky remedies! Decide conventional best at present
3 Feb Talk about it at church, break down frequently
2 Feb Take walk around Minsmere nature reserve, see a wild deer. Jan hugged in street by fellow sufferer we chance upon, now five years since his recovery from colon cancer
1 Feb Take fish and chips lunch on sea wall at Aldburgh
31 Jan What do you do? Dazed, carry on as normal, Jan goes shopping. Listen to a John Piper tape on persection of early church by Romans. Shows God is glorified in our sufferings.
30 Jan, two Xrays and an ultrasound taken at Luton hospital. Told she has cancer and biopsy was taken.