The start

This blog is to document my thoughts and experiences as the spouse of a breast cancer sufferer.

Jan and I both believe that God controls our circumstances and lives for our good, so breast cancer is part of it. I want to capture what God is teaching us on this journey, hopefully gain from others' feedback, and encourage others.

At present we await an appointment with our local hospital to discuss treatment. We plan to use UK National Health Service, a free service to us, but sometimes frustratingly slow. As this has now been diagnosed for 9 days there is a bit of catching up on the blog:

Yesterday we went to a family funeral, last one of Jan's aunts had died. What a joy to know she really knew the Lord. How do I know? Her bible was shown me, a fairly modern black leather bound NIV, so couldn't have been old, but it was falling apart. Pick it up and out fell the page of James chapter 1, covered in her notes and underlinings. Glimpse through, one could hardly find any page margins not filled with her comments and thoughts. particularly in the gospels and Psalms. She had underlined James chapter 1 verse 12 "Blessed is the man (or woman) who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. She knew she would win that crown of life. She had left this encouragement for Janet today.

Another tribute I saw to her was the way her 5 year old great grand daughter was weeping during the service. Here had been an old lady who could communicate and love children.

So how else has God helped us in the first nine days:

We have grown closer together as a family, as husband and wife, Jan's long talk to son Philip, and long phone call to Rachel our daughter who then visited with flowers.

We will take it positively. It is an encouragement to use time and current health wisely. So we took three day trips out to local beauty spots, and Janet is making plans to take part in charity work once she is healed.

I have been tearful on at least three to five days. Worst was the first time I tried to speak to people about it... thanks to those who put their arms around me, hugged me, and assured me of their love, just what I needed. Jan has been more stoic, told me off for crying! But why? Sunday's sermon was "Jesus wept". And I read this week that John Piper cried for 2 hours solid after being told of death of his mother. In Psalm 6 verse 6 David states "I am worn out from groaning, all night long I flood my bed with tears".

I have found the John Piper web site on suffering. He has suffered from prostrate cancer himself, so talks from experience. Great help, listened to MP3s of two of his sermons and watched with Jan a video by Joni Eareksen Tada, a quadraplegic stuck in a wheel chair but who still gives thanks to God.
It is at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/1/

Each day Jan has had an encouraging bible reading by Selwyn Hughes on how we should fix our eyes on Jesus. Selwyn is now dead, but his study notes "Every day with Jesus" are still available:
http://www.cwr.org.uk/publishing/edwj/index.php. Or you can buy it from an English bookshop at http://www.wesleyowen.com/WesleyOwenSite/pages/category/category.asp?ctgry=selwynhughes

We had a rapid visit by the church minister last Sunday who prayed for her healing. He runs his web site at http://www.webministries.co.uk/index.html

So God is keeping us at this time, in spite of the fears and dark times we go through. Maybe for my own benefit, there follows more of a diary:

7 Feb. Attend funeral, picnic lunch overlooking Thames estuary, watch sun go down over estuary eating a massive Rossi ice cream. Think "Be still and know I am God" as we watch a glorious sunset.
6 Feb Phone hospital, biopsy result confirmed, told to wait for hospital to set up an initial appointment
4 Feb 5 Feb - scour internet, find the very useful "Cancer for two website" at
http://www.cancerfortwo.com/author.asp
Get quotes for private treatment, find many cranky remedies! Decide conventional best at present
3 Feb Talk about it at church, break down frequently
2 Feb Take walk around Minsmere nature reserve, see a wild deer. Jan hugged in street by fellow sufferer we chance upon, now five years since his recovery from colon cancer
1 Feb Take fish and chips lunch on sea wall at Aldburgh
31 Jan What do you do? Dazed, carry on as normal, Jan goes shopping. Listen to a John Piper tape on persection of early church by Romans. Shows God is glorified in our sufferings.
30 Jan, two Xrays and an ultrasound taken at Luton hospital. Told she has cancer and biopsy was taken.